On January 31st of this year, I said goodbye to my first love, teacher and guide. Though I am eternally grateful for the 37+ years that I had with my father, life as I know it has forever changed… As I move towards creating my own new normal, I find consolation in some of the many priceless lessons that I’ve learned from the man that has made the greatest contribution in me becoming a therapist. In my father’s “book of life”, all people have struggles, and even hero’s have a “tragic flaw”. In knowing your self and being able to think critically regarding matters of mind & heart, you will not allow your flaws to derail you from your life’s purpose. I found it to be cathartic to write and share some of his insights in this blog. I hope you enjoy.

Lesson I- “Knowledge is power…” My father was very much a philosopher… Growing up I was introduced to Socrates, Plato, Aristotle and Alexander the Great at an early age. Our family room was stocked with the Collier’s and World Book Encyclopedias. My father encouraged us to study to know truth and realize that some of the pragmatic aspects of life could be discovered in simplicity. The origins of human psychology are rooted in philosophy. In studying philosophy I was fascinated with how the human experience could be summarized in simple phrases. Plato’s: “Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”, the Socratic paradox: “The one thing that I know is…that I know nothing.” and Aristotle’s: “I count him braver who overcomes his own desires than he who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.” Are a few of my favorites. My father conditioned me to think critically, to love knowledge and to value ideas that are not my own. I have vivid memories of my father reading to me and my sisters with the sound of an electrical oil lamp and classical music. Two books that were required reading; “As a man Thinketh”, by James Allen and “The Prince” by Machevili.

Lesson II- “You have the ability to create your own life story by doing your personal best…” Perhaps one of the greatest gifts my father bestowed on my family was the ability to believe that we had the power to create the lives we wanted to live. I was never compared to my siblings, and I was encouraged to use my natural gifts and talents to discover my lifework. When daddy discovered our strengths he invested time and money in cultivating them. Anything we could imagine; track and field, gymnastics, dance, theater, speech contests we were able to do and mom and dad would encourage us to show our gratitude by just giving it our very best. I recall receiving just as much warmth for the speech contests that I won as I did if I took 2nd or 3rd place. The freedom to make mistakes didn’t stifle creativity and I developed the understanding that I have the ability to recover from any endeavor that I gave 100% of my personal best.

Lesson III- “Acceptance and tolerance of others comes first by truly accepting yourself…” My first images of love was my dad dancing with my mom to Marvin Gaye. During a time when not many women that looked like me graced the front cover of magazines, daddy showed me that everything from the thickness of our hair, full features and the melanin in our skin were birthrights and beautiful. My father’s love for my mother was both validating and a positive image of what love can be like. Daddy taught me that in appreciating my heritage, cultural, and my essence that you can also value the uniqueness of others. I have learned that regardless of prejudices or stereotypes that my thoughts, attributes and essence are valid and that I have a contribution to share with the world. With this foundation, I have enjoyed learning and experiencing other aspects of humanity that may be unique to my own.

Lesson IV- “Tomorrow can always be a better day” - My dad’s favorite affirmation over us was: “I’m getting better and better everyday, in every way… I’m getting better and better.” Dad believed that no matter how bleak life may seem in the present moment, that each new day brings the plausibility of new experiences. I was taught to expect that life will come with the ebbs and flows of joy and sorrow, confidence and uncertainty but with each new day there is an opportunity for growth and you can become stronger, wiser throughout every season of life. Sometimes we all just have to ride the tidal waves of the extremes in order to reach the horizons.

Lesson V- “The only way to bring positive change in any system is from within”- My father began his career as a police officer shortly after the civil rights movement. When new black officers were brought on the police force it was sometimes an unspoken rule to turn a blind eye to police brutality. My father did the opposite. He was not afraid of being an outlier to the status quo and was diligent about his plight for justice for all people. When my father retired from the police force early due to an injury, he continued to work in the inner city and served the community bringing positive change mentoring and empowering young men and women that needed to be highly esteemed. Much of my love for mental health and inspiration for my life work originated from these very principles.

This blog is dedicated to the loving memory of my father Howard “Huffie” Huffman III Sunrise- November 22, 1950 Sunset- January 31, 2017. Thanks dad for roses after dance recitals, dinner dates, applause, laughter, encouragement and words of affirmation that were potent enough to last a life time. Even though you had four girls, you had the uncanny ability to make each one of us feel like we were your favorite. = ) I am happy to have had your presence in my life and I am pleasantly surprised that even in your physical absence I can still hear you and see the markings of your influence in my life. Job well done sir!